Kids these days don't know what they're doing when it comes to the art of Toilet Papering. I was "babysitting" my sister Marianne's kids this weekend, and on Saturday morning, we woke to find that the house had been "toilet papered" the only thing the little fellas made white, was the basketball hoop. now, I'm not saying that I'm an expert toilet paperer, having only been toilet papering once, (we actually chickened out when Jake Francom's Mom and Dad drove up and saw us hiding in the canal in front of their house...) but if you are going to put forth the effort, buy the paper, and risk getting caught, you might as well make it worth your time. so, to those of you who care, or would like lessons from someone as inexperienced as I, the rules (according to ME) are as follows...
rule #1- dress in ALL black. long sleeves and long pants. long black clothing will conceal you much better than say, a white t-shirt and khaki shorts, especially if your legs are as white as mine.
rule #2- do not choose the night of a full moon, the night of "the big Game", the night of Halloween, the night of the anniversary of your break-up with the victim etc. etc. these are all too obvious and people are SURE to see you and report you for to the police who will then arrest you for trespassing, vandalism etc.
rule #3- use the good stuff. I'm talking Charmin. the fluffy could like texture is not only great for your hiney, it's great for sticking to the trunks of trees, and car windows if gotten wet.
rule #4- if you decide you must toilet paper someone, choose your victim wisely. don't TP the principle, the football coach or the math teacher, as these persons are sure to have video surveillance systems hooked up. (they are very easy targets.)
rule #5- if you're putting forth the effort, then go ALL out. I'm talking make it look like it snowed toilet paper. I don't want to see ANY green or brown. all I wanna see is WHITE. (unless of course you purchased one of the fantastic colors available then I want to see pink, peach or blue.) none of this basketball hoop only nonsense!
rule #6- BE QUIET. if you're not the cops will be called, an angry man may burst out of the door in his unmentionables while waving a shotgun around, or you parents will receive a phone call from the neighbors.
rule #7- be speedy, but be artistic. the faster you are, the better!
rule #8- don't take it personally when you wake up a week later and your house has been "hit."
retaliation is normal, and can lead to bigger and better things... think about it...toilet paper isn't the only thing you can dress a lawn with.
so...those are the rules according to Jennie... if anyone can think of more, don't hesitate to share them. have a blast with your next Toilet Papering adventure, and call me if you want some expert advice...I'll most likely be available. :D
2 things people said...:
Bars of soap are excellent for leaving messages on side walks. You tried to hit the Francoms, too, huh? We did it successfully. We wrote "Tom is Foxy" on the sidewalks. Poor Francoms. The things they've had to deal with as a result of knowing the Cowan girls....
Run a rope through a bunch of soda cans and soup cans (you'll have to punch holes in them before hand) and tie the end to their doorknob, then stretch the rope down their front walkway, so that when they open the door it drags the cans and makes a lot of noise and freaks them out. Then shoot them.
Post a Comment